Weekly Happiness Note November 14, 2024
3 Ways to Stay Happy Around Unhappy People
“Happiness is an inside job.” – William Arthur Ward
“Happiness is an inside job”—my all-time favorite quote by William Arthur Ward. It’s a guiding principle I strive to live by, though it can be one of the toughest to uphold when we share space with others who may not feel the same way or who, for any number of reasons, are stuck in a mindset of unhappiness, believing they have no control to change it.
Despite the challenge, the greatest gift you can give yourself—and those around you, even the difficult ones—is investing in your well-being. By taking responsibility for your happiness and releasing others from that role, you create a ripple effect that’s both liberating and uplifting, spreading a little hope and light to everyone you meet.
In this week’s “Happiness Note: 3 Ways to Stay Happy Around Unhappy People,” I offer practical tips to help you stay connected to your inner joy, no matter what’s happening around you.
You can access this week's topic below (available for free subscribers) and consider becoming a paid subscriber to receive the weekly planning prompt and framework to set you up for November 18th- November 24th. ❤ Emily
This Week’s Featured Topic:
3 Ways to Stay Happy Around Unhappy People
Happiness is a personal journey that becomes possible when we hold ourselves accountable for our happiness and unhappiness.
Half the battle of living a life well-loved is to embrace being the conductor of our amazing life adventure.
Instead of getting caught up in believing life is hard or is always happening to us, it’s refreshing to open up to the idea that we get to play and have a say.
As happiness curators, we may become well-versed at playing and knowing what makes our hearts sing.
For example, I’m aware that the daily ingredients that lead me to my happy place include solid sleep, regular exercise, nutritious food, connecting with my loved ones, being in nature, and expressing my creativity to plant a few seeds of hope out into the world.
I’m crystal clear about what happiness looks like to me. For the most part, I’m pretty good at bringing these ingredients into my daily recipe for living well.
Chances are, you also have a good practice and understanding of what your definition of happiness includes.
If so many of us already know how to feel good each day, why does the staying power of happiness waver when we’re around others who aren’t happy?
How do we stay connected to our true nature in environments that are hard to be in?
While there isn’t a simple solution to this sizable question, here are three helpful ways to stay tethered to your happy place, no matter what’s happening around you.
1. Lead from Acceptance
While we may know what our definition of happiness includes, it’s helpful also to remember that happiness is so much more than a feeling of delight.
Happiness is allowing all human sensations, including joy, sorrow, love, loss, worry, peace, laughter, tears, and everything else in between. Sometimes, we get lost in thinking a happy life is one where we are always in a state of joy or bliss. Then, when we feel anything but cheerful, we beat ourselves up and confuse who we are with how we feel.
It’s a huge relief to stop being so hard on ourselves and instead lead our days from a place of acceptance. Lasting happiness comes when we are at ease with who we are and the current state of our lives, no matter what that looks like. It’s about accepting all the emotions and challenges that go along with being human.
The trick is to remember our emotions and challenges are part of the landscape of our life adventure; they aren’t the determining factors that define our worth.
2. Choose Your Level of Engagement Wisely
Humans have an innate desire to relate to other humans, particularly those who are close to us. We are social beings.
In a Scientific American article titled, Why We Are Wired to Connect, Mind Matters editor Gareth Cook asks scientist Matthew Lieberman a series of questions about Lieberman’s research on the neuroscience of human connection. In one of the responses in the article written by Gareth Cook, Matthew Lieberman states, “Evolution has placed a bet that the best thing for our brain to do in any spare moment is to get ready to see the world socially.” Lieberman goes on to say: “I think that makes a major statement about the extent to which we are built to be social creatures.”
Getting our social needs met while learning to play nice together in the sandbox isn’t straightforward. We won’t always be surrounded by others who are like-minded. In our jobs and communities, we will inevitably come across people who have a way of being unhappy about everything.
The main challenge then becomes how to ‘not’ adopt someone else’s narrative or negative vibe as our own. The foolproof method would be to choose who we interact with carefully and to control the external influences we are exposed to. But that method is not realistic in our daily lives. We are social beings living on a planet with 8 billion other social beings.
It may be more realistic to be aware of our external surroundings and set some healthy boundaries around how deeply we invest in our social interactions, particularly with those who don’t feel good to be around.
We can choose our level of engagement wisely. We don’t have to get swept up in someone else’s unhappiness. Visualize putting an imaginary protective bubble around yourself when you know you have to share space with others who are hard to be around.
Find other people you’re aligned with who feel good to be around. Those are the people you should engage with on a deeper, more meaningful level. We can meet our need for social connection without pressuring ourselves to be on the same wavelength as everyone we come in contact with.
3. Shift Your Perspective
Practice what it’s like to challenge your narrative. When you find yourself around unhappy people or in challenging circumstances, ask yourself this question: How might I see this person or situation through a different lens?
In order to notice when there is room to shift our perspective, we have to be self-aware enough to realize how our judgments and perceptions shape our experience of others. Adopting a daily mindfulness practice of some kind is a great way to get into the regular habit of being able to shift perspective with more ease.
Just because we are social beings doesn’t mean we have to see life through the eyes of someone who is unhappy. We don’t even have to see life through our own judging eyes that perceive others as unhappy.
Instead, see how it feels to view others and life experiences through the eyes of love. When it feels hard to be around others or feel at ease with who you are, see what shifts when you let love help you see.
Let love help you see others.
Let love help you see yourself.
Let love lead you to lasting happiness.
This Week’s Quote:
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Planning for Next Week📝:
Use the framework below to plan your upcoming week: November 18th- November 24th. Some people like to map out their forthcoming week on Friday to ease into the weekend, knowing they are ready to hit the road running on Monday. Others (like myself) have a Sunday planning ritual. Do what works best for you. Over the years, in supporting many people in their planning and goal-setting, it seems to work best to pick a day of the week that’s easy to stick to so that your weekly planning becomes a habit and ritual.
What are your wins? Before you organize the upcoming week, ‘November 18th- November 24th’, reflect on the week you are wrapping up. What are your wins (big or small)? What is something you are grateful for? What have you learned about yourself this week? Record your reflections in your journal or the Notes section of the Planner Printout. Feel free to comment below (others in this community will also be able to see your comment) or hit reply to this note and share directly with me.
Planner PDF printout: This printout is from the ‘Fall in Love with Your Life, Seasonal Planner’ and will give you the framework and planning system to help you organize your upcoming week: November 18th- November 24th. Click here to access. You will need to enter a password to open the PDF. It’s in all caps: FILWYL
Accountability: If you’d like an accountability check-in to support you in making the weekly planning ritual a regular habit, just hit reply to this email after you’ve organized your week and let me know you’re organized and complete. Feel free to share your weekly intention/power word. I’m always happy to be the check-in support and would love to celebrate your wins.
Instructional Video: Get free access to this mini 20-minute video course. It will show you how to efficiently use the ‘Fall in Love With Your Life, Seasonal Planner’ method of organizing your week. Go here to access the free video course.
Priorities: What are your top three priorities for the upcoming week? What are some of the daily ways you will prioritize yourself? Remember to balance your energy output with energy input. Think: What has been energizing me lately? What has been draining my energy?
Connect with Nature: Nature has a way of setting the tone for connecting inward. I often start my day with a walk at the beach, partly because it’s my dog’s favorite place to roam and partly because the sights, sounds, and smells help me start my day from a grounded place. Connecting to nature first thing helps me feel aligned and ready to hold space for my coaching clients, give energetically to my family and support them with whatever they need for the day, and engage in my creative endeavors. Of course, there is more that goes into the day, but starting it off with a feeling of presence and groundedness helps me have the clarity and spirit to move through the day with purpose.
Journal reflection point prompted by nature: What is your favorite place in nature? What might shift if you were to start your day with a little dose of nature? Try it and reflect on how it made you feel and impacted your day.
Share your intention for the week of November 18th- November 24th. What are you calling in? What is your power word/phrase?
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Disclaimer: This newsletter's advice and strategies are for informational purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, we cannot guarantee outcomes or be held liable for any consequences of using or misusing the information provided. We encourage you to seek professional advice or consult with qualified experts for guidance related to your particular needs.